Almost two years in the making, because I became ill last year and then I lost my notes and then I lost the actual manuscript and forgot about the whole idea, until I started to dream about the characters and the premise. When I finally sat down to really work on the script I decided that I was very ignorant to the craft and I hated what I wrote...a lot. And then, when I thought the rewrites were finished, I discovered my template sucked badly. So I studied and studied the script formatting of hundreds and thousand of established comic book writers and read copious amounts of books and gleaned zillions of websites about comic book writing. My script template is a combo of Alan Moore's, Warren Ellis, Neil Gaiman and Duane Swierczynski. Thank you gentlemen, I'm indebted to you. Blah, blah, blah. Here is a sample of the final product.
L
THE TEPPES ENGINE
A
STAR GATE SG 1/ STAR GATE ATLANTIS CROSSOVER
WRITTEN
BY
Lee Gooden
PAGE ONE
PANEL 1.
This panel takes up the majority of the top of the page that showcases the front of General Jack O'Neill's cabin in Minnesota. It is a beautiful day, the sun is high in a deep blue sky and the clouds are wavy that is almost an echo of the water and foam beneath it. Jack's cabin is rustic, a wagon wheel at the end of the dirt and gravel driveway, a mailbox with a sign underneath that says, ‘Gone Fishin’. Just imagine the perfect laid back get away.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 2.
Jack O'Neill is out on a long dock of his pond. He is sitting in a rocking chair. He is dressed in fishing garb, including a fishing hat pulled down low with the works, hooks, lures, etc. A beer bottle is nestled between his legs. He is wearing kakis and red high top Converse canvas sneakers. A fishing vest fits neatly over a blue t-shirt with green letters that read ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish.’ Behind him is a long wooden wall that spans the length of the dock and the hill the cabin sits upon. Hanging on pegs is a long green pole net and miscellaneous fishing gear. Also, behind his chair are two metal garbage cans, equipped with metal lids. They're labeled individually. The garbage can on the left is labeled “cans and bottles and the one on the right is labeled “trash”. To the right of his chair attached to the dock wall with some kind of strapping mechanism is large white first aid kit, emblazoned with a giant red cross attached to the back wall (the first aid kit plays an important part in the story). A tackle box and fly tying kit sits at his feet.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 3:
We cut too: Carter: (here's one for all the frustrated fan-boys) she is sitting on the dock next to Jack. Her beautiful face is upturned towards the sky. The sun plays light shadows on her countenance. Her hair is blonde and short like Madonna’s from her True Blue album. Her eyes are closed and she has a slight relaxed smile; a smile that shows no teeth, only her full juicy lips. She is wearing an over-sized tee shirt with the sleeves rolled up like 1980's Bruce Springsteen. Because the tee is so big on her, the neck of the tee on her right side has slid down slightly so we can see her toned neck muscles and creamy shoulder.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 4:
We cut to: Mitchell fishing on the end of the dock. He is wearing cami-fatigue pants, a white wife-beater, hip waders and aviator’s sun-glasses. We see his right profile as he is about to cast the line from his fishing pole. He has the body of an endurance athlete, think Lance Armstrong.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 5
Cut to: Daniel also on the dock. He is sitting in a deck chair. He is not fishing; he is wearing Bermuda shorts and an orange-lime vest over a blue Henley shirt. On his head he is wearing one of those beer hats with straws leading from separate cans of beer to his mouth. He is listening to an Ipod and reading a book. We can see Ipod headphones leading to his ears. He is reading Bram Stoker's Dracula, the book is in front of his face, and we can only see his glasses above the book. He has his left leg over the arm of the deck chair; his posture is slouched and relaxed.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 6
A thin rectangular panel, along the length of the bottom of the page; in big block capital letters on the left hand side of the panel near the top is STAR GATE SG1/STAR GATE ATLANTIS
Below that in the same letters, THE TEPPES ENGINE, and below that in smaller letter capital letters, BETRAYED: PART 1. On the right of the panel is
The team credits and whatever other misc. credit info we need to include.
(No dialogue)
PAGE TWO-THREE
Splash Panel
We see the entire team on the dock in relation to the first page, POV is from the water. The entire background consists of a continuation of the background of Page 1 Panel 2 of the wooden wall that was behind O'Neill, with a variety of fishing and boating paraphernalia attached through out its length. In the foreground that runs the length of the two pages in front of the dock is the pond which is calm. On the far left of Page 2, Daniel is exactly the way he was in the previous page and panel (Page 1, Panel 5) he is still slouched in his deck chair, but now his legs are stretched out before him and crossed at the ankles. To the right of Jackson, O'Neill is sitting in a white birch rocking chair. Empty beer bottles sit upright near his feet and the rocking chair along with some burnt out cigar stubs on the dock floor on the side of the chair opposite to the dock floor on the side of the chair that contains the tackle box and fly tying kit. To the right of O'Neill on Page 2 that overlaps the far left side of Page 3 Carter sitting on the dock. Her jeans are rolled up to her knees and her bare feet are submerged in the pond. A fishing pole lies on the dock floor to her right, the line of the pole trails out to the pond. Her t-shirt has the logo and album cover for Type O' Negative's, Bloody Kisses. A beer bottle sits next to her in easy reach. Her body language reads of a woman who is relaxed and in love. Further along the dock to the far right of page 3 we see Mitchell standing by the railing of the dock. A few beer bottles rest on the railing. He is in mid cast, his arm muscles are corded, and his fishing pole is slightly above his head. He is chewing on a tooth-pick.
(No dialogue)
PAGE FOUR
PANEL 1
A close up of O'Neill taking a sip of his beer. His eyes are closed and he is enjoying that beer. The fatigue and age lines on his face are a sharp contrast to his good mood.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 2
A close up of O’Neill aging, semi-liver spotted hands attempting to tie a home made fly. His fly tying kit is balanced on his knees. His hands have a slight tremor.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 3
O'Neill has dropped his fly tying kit onto the dock floor. He is bent over in his chair and is picking up his equipment. Carter has removed her feet from the pond, she is still sitting on the dock, and she has her arms wrapped around legs pulling them to her chest. She is resting her chin on her knees, water droplets are on her feet and lower legs dripping down to the dock. She is turned towards O'Neill
(No dialogue)
PANEL 4
A close-up shot of Daniel he has removed his Ipod and his beer can hat. His book is lying on the railing of his deck chair. He is holding his glasses with one hand and rubbing his face near his eyes with the other hand. He has a day or a day and half's growth of beard.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 5
Mitchell is in mid-cast again. His face is a grimace of concentration. He is wearing aviator sun-glasses, but we can still tell that he is intent on catching a fish. His beer bottle that rests on the railing refracts sunlight through its brown visage, casting a somber light.
(No dialogue)
PAGE FIVE
PANEL 1
Mitchell seen from another angle and a wider view, he is sipping from his beer and nonchalantly holding his pole. He has one foot resting on a lower support of the dock railing. He has pushed his sunglasses up onto his head. He seems so relaxed.
1-MITCHELL
DON'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS GENERAL.
PANEL 2
We see a front view of O'Neill. He has finished tying off his fly and has cast his line. He is sitting in his rocking chair, rocking and fishing. We need to show the rocking motion of his chair. The lines in his face are so clear. He is still handsome as hell; his face has that rugged, wind blown, almost leathery look. Think Sam Shepard or Scott Glenn in the movie Silverado.
2-O'NEILL
OUT HERE SON, ITS JUST JACK.
PANEL 3:
Carter is lying on the dock. She is on her side, her feet towards O'Neill, her head is propped up on her elbow. She has a shit eating grin.
3-CARTER
SOUNDS LIKE A LINE FROM WILL AND GRACE.
PANEL 4
Jackson. Has his I-pod is draped over the arm of the chair. His glasses are held between his fingers. He also has a big shit eating grin. Like the character Jack on Will and Grace, he exclaims with flourish.
4-JACKSON
JUST JACK!
PANEL 5
A close up of O'Neill's face. He attempts to keep his composure but cannot help but allow a wry smile. He is trying very, very hard not to encourage the line of conversation, but he cannot resist temptation.
5-O'NEILL
OK, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT...BUT, JUST OUT OF CURIOUSITY, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS WILL AND WHICH ONE OF YOU IS GRACE?
PANEL 6:
An entire body shot of Carter. She has pretty much abandoned any attempt at real fishing. She is sitting up on the dock one leg folded under her butt; the other is hanging off the dock. She is laughing and in mid-stretch which makes her chest stick out.
6-CARTER
DON'T JUST ASSUME BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN THAT MAKES ME GRACE.
PANEL 7
Daniel is doubled up in his chair laughing. We can actually see a tiny balding spot on his head. The Dracula novel has fallen onto the dock; its pages are being blown by a slight breeze. He plays along with the whole Will and Grace Scenario.
7-JACKSON:
WELL, DON'T ASSUME JUST BECAUSE I'M A MAN THAT I'M WILL.
PAGE SIX
PANEL 1
O'Neill has pushed his rocker back and has it balanced against the back wall. He has his beer tipped up high and he is taking a long pull from his bottle. He is obviously enjoying the nonsense and banter. His fishing pole is locked tightly between his legs.
1-O'NEILL
DON'T LOOK AT ME...I'M...JUST JACK.
PANEL 2
Mitchell is still fishing, but he is good naturedly looking over his shoulder at SG1.
2-MITCHELL
YOU GUYS, YOU'RE SCARING THE FISH.
PANEL 3
A close up of O'Neill pointing at Mitchell's fishing pole.
3-O'NEILL
LOOK'S LIKE WE SCARED A FISH RIGHT ONTO YOUR HOOK. WATCH YOUR POLE.
PANEL 4
A small square that overlaps Panel 3 and the right top side of Panel 5. A close up of Mitchell's white knuckled hands holding tightly to a bent and straining fishing pole.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 5
Is a rectangle that takes up the entire middle bottom of the page, except where Panel 4 over-laps. Mitchell is struggling with his fishing pole. The fish that he has landed is huge because he is using all his upper body strength, his muscles are straining; their size and fitness are emphasized by the wife beater. It rides up in front and shows his perfectly sculpted abs.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 6:
Is pretty much the same shot but from a distance, POV from the water looking towards the dock. A fish that looks like a great pike is hooked and flying through the air. SG1, the cabin and the dock are in the background. To the far right of the fish the aft of a row boat is visible.
(No dialogue)
PAGE SEVEN
PANEL 1
Cut to a close up on Mitchell trying to reel in the fish. His teeth are very white and gritted in exertion pulled back lips as if he were an animal in mid growl.
1-MITCHELL
GENERAL O'...UM, JACK, A LITTLE HELP HERE. GET THE NET!
PANEL 2
A small panel, a close up of O'Neill's sneaker nudging a beer bottle, tipping it over.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 3
Cut to O'Neill, he is in mid-leap over Carter. She has ducked down low in fear of being trampled by him. His fishing hat has fallen off and he has dropped his own fishing pole. One of his hands instinctively has found the fishing net on the wall and is removing it by its green handle from the hooks.
2-O'NEILL
COMING KID, HANG ON.
PANEL 4
Carter is sitting the way she was in Panel 3. The only change is that she isn't sunk down so low and her eyes are looking up as O'Neill’s leap sails him above her. His shadow passes over her face and part of the dock.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 5:
A small panel, we cut to close up of the beer bottle, spilling its contents on the deck of the dock. It resembles blood flow.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 6
Mitchell face is twisted in exertion furiously fighting the fish. Jack is attempting to get the net under the fish. The fish is huge. It is flopping around and straining on the line, bending the pole to the point of breaking the line.
(No dialogue)
PAGE EIGHT
PANEL 1
Carter and Daniel have created a kind of semi-circle around O'Neill and Mitchell similar to the patterns of kids flocking around a playground fight. They're near O'Neill and Mitchell, but they hover outside of O'Neill's and Mitchell's range and are pretty much useless as help landing the fish.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 2:
The fish has made another incredible leap, snapping Mitchell' line.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 3:
A flabbergasted SG1 watches it as it lands 10 feet away from the dock, its rear fins are about to submerge and the rear of the fish gives a little shake as if it flipped Mitchell off.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 4:
Same scene as above, but the fish is gone and Mitchell is holding onto the broken end of his line.
1-MITCHELL
DAMN IT! THE HOOK IS STILL IN HER TOO.
2-O'NEILL
THAT WAS A 100 LB LINE.
3-CARTER
REALLY? IT WAS BROKEN SO EASILY.
4-JACKSON
DO YOU NORMLLY STOCK YOUR POND WITH PLESIASAURS JACK?
5-O'NEILL
FUNNY, REAL FUNNY, WONDER IF TEAL'c IS HAVING ANY LUCK?
PAGE NINE
PANEL 1
Cut to: Teal'c and Vala in a row boat with a small outboard motor. It is the rest of the boat we saw a few pages back. Teal'c is in the back of the boat, he seems serene, he is dressed his usual muscle shirt and fatigue pants and army boots, his fishing pole is held loosely in his hands, a tackle box, small can of bait and a cooler are near him. Vala sits on the far side of Teal'c. Her boredom is more than evident on her face. She is wearing SG 1 regulation “cammie” pants, a blue sports bra and contemplating an empty wine cooler bottle that she is holding in both hands. Neglected, her fishing pole is draped over the boats edge, but the line is not cast. Instead, the hook is embedded in the cork joint of the pole. We can see the cabin in the background.
1-VALA
HAND ME ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE EARTH BEVERAGES...THOSE, UM, WINE COOLER THINGS. SWEET, BUT NOT MUCH OF A KICK.
2-TEAL'c
INDEED.
PANEL 2
We now see from SG1's POV from the dock of Teal'c and Vala. In the background there is a glinting of many metallic objects moving quickly from the other side of the pond shore.
3-VALA
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL OF LIESURELY FISHING. ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A DRINK OR NOT?
4-TEAL'c
IF YOU COULD REMAIN QUIET AND STILL FOR A FEW MINUTES YOU MIGHT LEARN TO APPRECIATE WHAT ON EARTH IS CALLED THE ZEN QUALITY THAT IS SIMILAR TO THE JAFA...
5-VALA
...NEVER MIND, I'LL GET IT MYSELF.
PANEL 3
A tight close up sexy shot for the fanboys of Vala's rear, back, back of legs and head as she cautiously crawls towards Teal'c's side of the boat. Her skin is tanned. Her body is toned, low body fat content. She is gorgeous and has a MILF essence.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 4
A small panel that possibly overlaps 2 other panels in the configuration that show's Vala's feminine hand reaching past Teal'c's surprised face to remove a wine cooler from the igloo ice chest.
6-TEAL'c
SIT DOWN WOMAN, BEFORE YOU CAPSIZE THE BOAT.
7-VALA
RELAX, MUSCLES WE'RE FINE.
PANEL 5
A wide shot of Vala and Teal'c in the boat. Vala is sitting back on her side of the boat. She is sipping from her wine cooler. She is kicked back, legs up on one of the seats, feet crossed. Teal'c is still in a somewhat serene posture trying to fish. In the background the metallic objects are close enough to reveal themselves as 5-6 air swamp boats that are piloted by what appears to be Jaffa soldiers dressed in battle gear and turban like hoods similar to ninjas. They are moving quickly and quietly towards Teal'c and Vala's boat and the dock.
8-VALA:
BORED, BORED, BORED...BORED.
9-TEAL'c:
PERHAPS YOU WOULD PREFER THE ORI?
10-VALA:
ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS.
11-TEAL'c:
VALA, IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY THIS ACTIVITY, PRACTICE YOUR SWIMMING SKILLS. I'LL HELP YOU INTO THE WATER.
PAGE TEN
PANEL 1
Two swamp boats are just upon Vala and Teal'c. Vala and Teal'c still haven't noticed the boats. Vala has stood up, hands on her hips ready to give Teal'c a piece of her mind.
(No dialogue)
PANEL 2
A tight close up of Vala's rant, interrupted by a tranquilizer dart in her throat.
1-VALA
LISTEN TO ME MUSCLES, YOU BETTER...URK!
PANEL 3
A close up shot: Teal'c is very aware of the enemy now. He is facing away from them. His eyes are cut to the right, face scrunched in intense concentration. In this shot we can tell he is gripping the oars, he is coiled and ready for action. We see glimpses of the enemy behind him; a Jafa warrior aiming a tranq rifle and bits and pieces of the swamp boats.
(No dialogue)
(author's note to the artist: In the next few panels we need to show that Teal'c is moving at an incredible speed)
PANEL 4
Teal'c has jumped from his row boat and is about to land in a nearby swamp boat. An over hand arcing swing of one of oars like a katana has caught a Jafa swamp boat pilot in the head, taking him out. Teal'c is bringing the other oar around in a swing near his arm like Tonfa. Teal’c is riddled with tranc darts
(No dialogue)
PANEL 5
Cut to: Vala unconscious in the boat. She is slouched over the edge. Her face is in the water.
(No dialogue)
continued...
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